Remin(essence) - Unpublished journals of depression

THE INTERNAL MONOLOGUE - YEAR OF 2018

"Hey you
Out there, sweat drops mixing with tears
Hey you
Young girl with tired eyes
Would you like to go back in  time?"

THE DOUBT - YEAR OF 2013

Would you like to go back in time?
Green eyes changing into hazel
Songs sung selflessly 
No worries other than the pills
Still, there were pills to be taken
Everyday, alongside your meals,
Tasteless just as your eager tongue
Would it make you happy now?
Did it make you happy then?

THE WISH - YEAR OF 2018

Hey you
Stone face, harsh lips covered in blood
Eyebrows frowned in anger, ready to wage war
Black paint around your eyes, covering the sleepless sickness
Just like the black stripe around your many boxes of pills
Would you like to make it all dark, with your eyes closed forever?
Would you like to go back in time?

THE UNHARMED - YEAR OF 2005

Hey you
Learning how to run and how to kiss
Young brilliant girl
You were not born to be weak
You are not cursed, not yet
You are the one who stands in the storm
Laughing and catching drops with your sweet tongue
Wondering what it is like to see the rain falling into your eyes
Just rain, no tears
No marks on your abdomen 
No wounds on the surface of your beating heart
No thunder to scare away your dreams
No iron ball on your heels
Would you really like to become her?
Would you really wish to die so young?

THE LAST CHAPTER - YEAR OF 2018

Hey you
Young girl, damaged goods
Pick up your sad little pieces
Comply with a simple smile
Pretend with your hidden angst
Hold your anger on your raw palms
Live another day to find out
If that brilliant child survived within you,
This body parts: So hurt, so rotten, so lost
Look inside, search for your missing girl
Do not kill yourself today
Would you really wish to give up so young and defeated?

THE POST SCRIPTUM NOTE - YEAR OF 2017

Hey you
Standing tall, showing scars
Teeth bared in the middle of your desperate crying and rioting 
You are not allowed to give up
You are not allowed to run away from who you are
Take the fire that is ravishing your heart and soul
Make the pain your weapon
And burn them all
Burn them to the ground.

THE VERY FIRST PAGE - NOW

This is not the end of the story.
Lay back and close your eyes.
A girl giggles in the back of your head
Her messy black locks of hair gently brush against your neck
As you smell the sweet breath of her childish ways
A decision settles in: Either you die or you survive this
And the next thing
And whatever comes next.
You see the girl in front of you, eyes wide in amazement 
You can't say if it's shock or pride
Your hands raise as one,
You touch the tips of her fingers with your own.

AWAKENING - THE REAL WORLD


You are her.
She became who you are.
You can't die, you can't run.
For now, contentment in existing
Legs spread around the couch, body tainted
Face made of stone, lips covered in blood
The fight goes on, another week, another ache 
You roll over on the empty bed,
Love is nowhere to be found.
Are you ready to burn them all?
Ravish their bodies and minds before they do the same to you.

One question still remains from all the weird dreaming:

Would you like to go back in time?