This one mistake

You asked me
"Did you regret it? Do you think it was a mistake?"
I look at your intense eyes that always seem to want to add something
They always soften when you look at me
Your lips slightly apart, one of your teeth slightly longer and perfect
I see all the words I want to hear hanging from your lips,  just in time to watch you swallow them
You say "I have other stuff in my life" and I reflect on the cruelty of the expression "other stuff" for just one second
I tell you it was not a mistake
I do not tell you that I held those moments so close to my heart that when I finally realized that was our definite goodbye,  my heart became a hollow cave
You can hear the echoes of every "I don't care" if you press your ear to my chest
I do not tell you how much it hurt to have a simple nod as goodbye
I do not tell you that I could see the relief on your face when I finally left
Taking with me a whole alphabet you dedicated just for me
A for adventure
B for buzzkill-Bitch
C for complicated
D for drama
And so on and on
So when I burst back into your apartment and you were dancing to Latino music fresh from the shower
I hold you tight to burn the feeling of your skin in my memory
You do not hold me
Your hands are a weird pendulum that no longer seeks my body
My cheeks burn with tears and my whole body rebels under the heaviness of unrequited affection
"How could I be so wrong?" I ask myself
Only then I realized I am not wrong,  I am the mistake.
I'm the mistake you made and haunted you for months
And now I'm gone so you can dance in the shower
Tend to other stuff
I am still learning how to be something other than a big mistake.