On having yet another episode

You never know how tired you're going to get
After a 40 minutes psychotic depressive episode
You won't feel pain while you punch a wall or kick it
You won't hear your own insane screaming
You won't feel your heart pounding way harder than it should
You will feel the anger
And you will be violence itself
And you will feel the air running away
From your lungs and mouth and surrounding
And you will feel your throat be ripped apart
By your desperate scream and sobbing and begging
Begging not to be alone
Begging for not wanting to die
Begging for your lover's embrace so you don't feel so helpless
Begging for it to stop
Begging to know what even started it.