I didn't think I'd be here (again)

 I'm sitting on my couch and I no longer have the strength to cry 

I've got a bottle of beer to try and calm myself down 

My lover sleeps peacefully in the room a few steps away 

And I feel this ferocious shadow of a beast 

Consuming me from the inside again 

Invading my dreams, my thoughts, my heart 

Filling me with fear and sadness and bitterness and pain 

I did not think I'd be here again 

Depression has a way to catch up like a stealthy predator 

You do not see it coming until its teeth are already sunk 

I used to think myself too tender for this world and to think that God made me that way 

As a child I could swear there was always a light shining bright next to me, guiding my steps 

And now, as I sit in this very silent room, I deeply believe that God has long forsaken me

Abandoned me, forgotten all about me 

As a jilted child with an imperfect heart and a poisoned mind 

I see that I am not too tender for this world, I am in fact too weak to endure it 

I do not want to endure it 

I do not want to sit here, sleepless and in pain, and get ready to leave for work in a couple of hours

I do not want to spend another night away from my lover's arms

I do not want to watch myself become a hostage of vice once more 

I do not want this body to be this fat again 

I do not want to smell like cigarettes 

I never thought I'd come back here, to this dark, dark place 

This silent room that is always changing faces, but never its darkness

And I desperately need to get out before it's too late 

The issue is I always forget where the fuck I put my goddamn keys 

There is no escape when your mind is your prison and your heart is your torturer

Fuck, I just want to go to sleep.