The wrestling blanket, Ms. Lonely, and other tales of night time

 Every night, you would tuck me in bed

I didn't have to ask for it, you just loved doing it 

Going to sleep meant you'd make sure I felt safe

And comfortable and loved

You would grab the tips of the blankets, making sure to wrap me up and keep me warm 

We would laugh at the same joke every night

As I pretended to complain that you were turning me into a burrito 

And we would laugh

And the sound of your laughter fills the silent room I'm in right now

You would ask me how I wanted the lights

You would lay down next to me and I would mess with you pretending I couldn't find your face 

You would bring me close to your chest, kiss my head, wish me good night

And I'd sleep tucked in and safe and happy

Now I am the one who turns off the light

Listen to the silence

Sometimes whisper your name to the wind 

And as if someone who's about to face their death sentence

I look at my bedroom's door, not ours, just mine

Ominous in the dark

Inside, the horror of the truth represented by the empty bed and my constant attempt to sleep right in the middle 

So there's not such thing as "my side of the bed"

Bed feels like home, but a home you're never coming back to could never be a real home

I lay down and I sink in 

Give into my ever-so-chosen loneliness 

Lonely is the way you can pronounce my name now

It's not a bad word anymore 

In my loneliness, I find out who I am and who they are

In my loneliness, I get lost but not anguished because I have been lost for a while 

I would say loneliness and I became good friends

Except that

Lonely reminds me that it wasn't always like this 

Lonely says I had a different name before

And the wind whispers your name back to me

Lonely is here because you're not and I can't help but resent it

I can't help but to see the way you were ripped away from me 

Leaving droplets of blood like little red hearts 

They boil while still pronouncing my love for you

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you

So I keep lonely around. I miss you, she will make sure I remember how much

Every night you used to tuck me in

But now I have to wrestle the blankets and turn over and over to finally feel comfortable

Ever since you were taken from me, I never felt safe

Or comfortable

Or loved

Ever again.