Wishes to my big sister

1)  My big sister walks tall

In her fairy like frame, she carries herself with both

Grace and power

Wit and restraint

Her ever changing hair always neatly in place

Even when painting walls or washing gates

Her words are perfectly curated

She speaks as someone who knows the power of words

And her voice echoes them soflty but firmly

And she has eyes that are ocean, forest, and storm

Swirling into the depths of her shimmering gaze

And her feet are grounded, always moving forward, and certain of it

She walks tall, and she walks with conviction

And she walks with me.

2) My beautiful warrior, my brilliant girl

I wish we'd met sooner

I wish I could've been there to let you know

How strong you are in your vulnerability 

How beautiful you are in your rage

How absolutely justified you are when you crack 

the False Idol of the perfection they always tried to impose

I wish I could've told you that they all wear masks

And you, being so you, so undeniably yourself,

Could never see the world through anything but your own eyes

Bare eyes, glistening at every single glimmer the world has to offer

Sister, I wish I could've held you 

Before the surgery, during the storm, after the anestesia worn off

I wish I could've been there for every bithday and every funeral

For all the fireworks, graduations, bad news, and hospital visits

I wish I could've been there for every time they broke your heart

To show you that you will always fill its cracks with gold

You are a rare jewel, a delicate gladiator, a strong princess

I wish I had been your sister before

And I wish we never part ways again


3) My big sister is learning so many new things

Perhaps nearly as much as I've learned from her

And I watch her proudly everyday

She gets my good morning texts, even if it's after noon

And she calls me at night, even when we're both too beaten up by our day

or the weight of a lifetime

In our shared sense of solitude, we found sisterhood

I found my words reflected in her gaze as I tried to hide how I felt

And saw my heart in her irises, shining behind tears

I found a childhood friend in my sister, and a teenage bestie

I found a wise guide, I found a role model, I found a confidant and a hero

And in her love, I truly understood what acceptance means

Acceptance, as one of the highest forms of love, is seeing each other

Through a screen, like a movie

Miles and miles away

In my ugliest form

And still feel so much love

From her, for her, and for myself.


Everyday with my big sister is a blessing. Everyday I understand more and more that love truly is about tr(us)t. 

For Laura, with the love of a lifetime
Thank you for seeing me and loving me because of and regardless of what I am.