In the deep end - pt. 2

In the blue depths of the pool, I find my peace

There is no sound under that heavy water

It washes away everything, every stroke of my arm is like a new trail of paint on the canvas of my life

The repetitive movement of my thighs seem to burn away the memories of a life that no longer belongs to me 

I swim and swim and swim 

Everybody sounds the same underwater 

I swim and swim and swim 

Aware that I'm breathless 

Aware that I'm drowning 

Aware that I chose to

I come to the surface, face red and mouth shaking

I gasp for air like I was grasping my lover's hands

But just like water, you can't hold those without form 

I blink away the tears and stare at that infinite blue 

It calls me by my name, it caresses my hands and feet

Once more, I throw myself into the breathless blue

I become water and I swim and swim 

Aware that I'm breathless 

Aware that I'm drowning 

Knowing that I can stop it at anytime I choose.

I don't have to drown if I chose not to. 

This tiny little thing. This tiny little moment. A pool. My breathing.

This, I can control. The rest will be washed away and it will be all blue.