On being 3 days away from being 30

 I've waited so long for this moment

And I thought this moment would have fireworks

Instead, this moment is still full of heartbreak

This moment is falling on the couch with your keys still in your hands

This moment is thinking no amount of love from others will ever be enough

This moment is feeling your whole body pulsing of pain, poison and exhaustion

And thinking for a brief moment it could be a cat

And if it is a cat, one must look

But there's no cat to cuddle, no fuzziness or warmth

In this moment, I understand that I love my cats

And that I am alone and almost thirty

And instead of a house I've got a beaten up car and three cats

And I still feel sad three days away from my birthday

I'm nearly thirty now and I'm still a child

Maybe that's what they mean about turning thirty

You're lonely, perhaps sad, perhaps not as accomplished

But you're aware 

Maybe that's what they mean by being and adult 

You are broken, but you're still going to work tomorrow

Because you finally understand what costs

To be alive.