On the bent neck lady

 From all the characters of Hill House, I'm most similar to Nellie

Except that I'm not the bent neck lady

I cannot, as hard as I try, slip into delusion

I cannot dance with my dead husband or have my family fully reformed

Like one of those commercials I used to dream of

I cannot trick myself into the that necklace of rope

And I could never leave this world with a broken neck, head always crooked

I could never leave in disbelief when I know so much about it

I'd be the slit throat lady

I'd be the stabbed neck lady

Bleeding rivers of red thick pain

And I saw myself with those pairs of scissors again

Against my neck, firmer and firmer

The pressure of the blade against the skin

And yet, I didn't even fucking bleed

There was no sweet delusion, there was just my reflection

All the emptiness of me, all the pressure

Translated into two words:

Fucking coward.