Try

People keep asking me to try

To get out of bed

To get out of the house

Go see my doctor

Go talk to my therapist

They say I have to try 

I am trying

I am trying my best to get out of bed

Even though it still feels like home 

I am trying  my best not to Google

How many pills it would take to end it all

Still they ask me to try

And everytime they do, all I can hear is nonsense

They tell me to try and I hear them asking me to claw my way out of the rock bottom

They tell me they can't do it for me and I hear them saying I'm such a burden

There's dirt under my fingernails and it smells like death

There are dark circles under my eyes and they tell tales of madness

There's blood on my knuckles from punching my way through life

There are wasps in my throat that feed on the butterflies I used to love

I am trying but I am tired

I am trying but I feel I left this body

I am trying but life has me tied up to this intersection

Who I used to be

Who I am

Who I wish I could be 

I am trying,  I promise I am

But please, don't blame me if I give up

I'd rather go to sleep at peace and say my goodbyes

Say "I tried and I'm sorry", and maybe I am sorry for trying too

But isn't it better to leave you all with the memory of a person

Than the memory of a shadow who simply faded?