To the boy who awaits

Hi.
When I say "Hi" I mean I want you to know me.
When I say that I want you to know me, I mean that I want you to know that some nights I will cry myself to sleep howling on the pain of my loss, and some nights I will sleep until I wake up crying from bad dreams that don't seem willing to give up. I tell you this now because I was taught that if you squeeze the bad news in the middle of positive stuff, it softens the blow. But I am not a girl of soft blows. I take them as hard as I give them. So you need to understand that when I had a very bad dream on the first night you slept on my bed and woke up to see your blonde hair close to my neck and to feel your strong arms holding me completely oblivious of my fears, I felt safe and I loved you for that.
When I say I loved you for that, I don't mean that I love you. I did love you for that brief moment, which leads me to the next part - I will imagine having a family with you and a baby with my black hair and your flaming orange eyes.
That just means that I really like you. And that's a good thing, because I will watch the dumbest movies with you, even if the tongue of the protagonist turns out to have a personality of its own. I will pet your cat and love it, because you know I love cats. I will bring you coffee in bed and I will cook you a lot of meals. And when I say a lot, I mean that one of my ways of showing my appreciation is by feeding people; And by people I mean you. I will also take you to long trips and will touch books and make you wonder why - In case you do wonder, I touch them because I have the weird feeling that they talk to me and ask to be picked. I will also scream and clap my hands when watching movies, because I love a good story, as I know you do too.
And when I say I know you do too, it's because for coincidence or destiny, I had the chance and privilege to get to know you and feel butterflies over rosé wine at a supermarket. And I feel like you know me too, because I read my texts to you and explained how I can read people's face - except yours, because you like to keep the mystery.
I have to say I am a fan of mystery, but only in the books, because in real life I can't really shut my mouth, so I have to tell you that I am willing, if you are.
To know you. To sip wine at supermarkets. To watch dumb movies. To see how this story, right here, right now, unfolds.
So instead of ending this letter asking if you are willing too, I will just say one thing.
Hi.